3 One-Hit Wonders From the 1980s I’d Be Fine With Never Hearing Again

In order for a song to rise to the top it has to have something unique. Sometimes all it has to be is from a unique artist like Lady Gaga or Madonna or Aretha Franklin. Other times, though, it has to have something quirky—or even overly quirky. That is the case with many one-hit wonders, or those songs by otherwise unknown artists that rose to the top for a brief moment in time.

Here below, we wanted to explore three of those especially unique songs that are, well, so singular that we would be fine if we never heard them again. Sorry not sorry! Indeed, these are three one-hit wonders from the 1980s we would be fine with never hearing another time.

[RELATED: 3 One-Hit Wonders from the 1970s Fans Can’t Stop Singing to]

“The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades” by Timbuk 3 from Greetings from Timbuk3 (1986)

It’s not that this song is horrible, or anything. It’s just kind of like a wet tissue. It’s both lo-fi and doing too much. Part-rock, part-blues, part-’80s tacky style. It’s as if the song is a carbon copy of a carbon copy of a carbon copy of a bad Bob Dylan song. We’re glad the group enjoyed success, as this tune hit No. 19 on the Billboard Hot 100 and the music video boasts millions of views on YouTube. But we can now relegate it to the dustpan of history. On the song the band sings,

I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher
He wears dark glasses

Things are goin’ great
And they’re only gettin’ better
I’m doin’ all right
Gettin’ good grades
The future’s so bright
I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades

“We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off” by Jermaine Stewart from Frantic Romantic (1986)

There is nothing like bad funk music. And this one is grating and abrasive despite its attempt at smooth sounds. In another light, some might think this tune is fun or silly. But it’s also attempting to be serious. It’s courting, a romance, and trying to be different in a way that it just doesn’t land. If this song were a plane, we’d all be in danger. And on the ’80s tune, which hit No. 5 on the Billboard Hot 100, Jermaine Stewart sings,

Not a word, from your lips
You just took for granted that I want to skinny dip
A quick hit, that’s your game
But I’m not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain

Night is young, so are we
Let’s get to know each other better, slow and easily
Take my hand, let’s hit the floor
Shake our bodies to the music
Maybe then you’ll score

So come on baby, won’t you show some class
Why you wanna move so fast
We don’t have to take our clothes off

“The Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats from Rhythm of Youth (1982)

Honestly, what is this song? What does not wearing hats have to do with a band name? What does dancing have to do with safety? Strangely, it seems like this song was created with AI even though it was released decades before the technology was even invented. Admittedly, there is something catchy about this track from the Canadian-born band. But it’s the kind of catchy that scrambles your brain. So, let’s let it be in the past. On the confusing tune, which hit No. 3 on the Billboard Hot 100, the band sings,

We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well, they’re no friends of mine

Say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind

Photo by Paul Natkin/Getty Images